If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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