I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
