She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
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