I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
