We won't sleep together?
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
