im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
