before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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