thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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