i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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