Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
