Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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