One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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