my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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