I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Randomize
