I accidentally burped into my bong.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
