you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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