nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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