I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
