i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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