it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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