youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
