obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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