found the other keg... it's in the tree
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
