Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
