WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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