Quick, to the slutcave!
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
