Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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