Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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