I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
