Can i not drive my cunt home
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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