I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
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