my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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