I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Swine flu. Run for my life!
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize