i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize