I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
