Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Randomize
