My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Randomize
