i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Don't EVER smell your tampon
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
