are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
