as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
