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I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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