Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
