I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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