I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
