what if every blade of grass was a penis?
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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