So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
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