I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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