Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
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