I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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