Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
