you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
