I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
