What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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