They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize