I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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