I wish I could punch you in the face.
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
