dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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