Your dad touched me again.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
