She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
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