If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
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