Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
