Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
