apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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