U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
