I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
