she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
