He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
