What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize