Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Randomize
