well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
