Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Randomize
