Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
