Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
found the other keg... it's in the tree
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
