Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
