My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
