You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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