woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
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