i was born a porn star she said
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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