The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
