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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
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