My hand turned me down
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
